i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
