Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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