and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
