Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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