i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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