Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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