Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
