brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
