apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
