im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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