what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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