Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
