You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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