:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I need to calm my uterus...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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