well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
