I will die if light touches me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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