yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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