Are we in a gay sports bar?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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