i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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