Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
