she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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