if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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