I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
