Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
