i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize