Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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