so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
