ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
