Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
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Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
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I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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