Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize