i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
