maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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