I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
