Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
