Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
