you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
