did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
