I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
