i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
