Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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