I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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