and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
