Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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