And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
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I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
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