she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
