NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
is wine microwaveable?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I currently don't understand fingers.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
