why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
