How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
