why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
