If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
