yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
