Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
