I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I did not marry a roomba.
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