I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
