The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
