I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
