The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
