Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
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Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
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I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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