1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
