Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
