You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I believe in your delicious
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
