i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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