Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
