Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
