You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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