I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
