I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
