What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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