After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
