Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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