I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
