I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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