drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
