Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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