I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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