the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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