using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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