I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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