there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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