Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
