she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize