i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
