I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You left your underwear on the fireplace
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
