thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
