Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
