i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
