Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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