I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
